Giving Thanks

I am thankful for a wide, expansive definition of "family."  For beauty in our world, and familiarity, and traditions.  For watching generations emerge, and remembering generations before.  My children, swinging on the branches of the tree we planted in this place when my grandmother died.  Connection to each other, and connection to place.  Thanks be.

Bam!

This is the level of energy I try to keep up with on a daily basis.

You could do everything like me.

And I don’t care, cause you’re a human too.

And you’re a rescue one, and me too.

And I’m the rescue one of this, my dog!

And you cannot do everything else for me.

And I go in a fire engine.

And I’m a human.

Right away – Bam!

These moments

treasured.

A couple Bug quotes

Yesterday, Bug ran into the kitchen and told me in his most excited voice, "Mama! I'm all ready for soccer!!"  I said, "Oh, yeah! You've got your cleats on."  He: "And I've got my gloves, and my soccer shirt, and pee in my diaper, and my soccer ball. . . "  He didn't miss a beat. . . just plowed right through this list, as if it were perfectly predictable.

We were at the bagel shop (a place we end up stopping in the midst of basically any errands, because it is his treat for putting up with all the shopping).  There was a girl his age leaving, and he was watching her verrrrrry carefully, all the way to the door.  I said, "She's just about your size isn't she?"  With a perfectly straight face, he said, "I could pick her up."  I laughed, and he said, "But I wouldn't, because she's not my sister."

The Many Mothers of G-Bear

The girls have really connected with some neighbor kids these last few days, and I heard G-bear calling one of them "AJ-Mama."  It made me start thinking, just how many Mama figures this girl has.  That is just one thing about her.  She attaches to certain people very strongly, and after that, they are "her's."  I started recalling all the people who have been this for her, and thought I would record it here, so we look back and remember.  There's AJ, Charlotte, Eva, CC, Annalisse, Lily, Carrie, Wendy, Kelly, Heidi, Edie, Joy (I'm sure there are others I will remember later).  What a gift to have all these people who help me give this girl as much love as she needs.  She is a very intense little being, and I'm not sure what my life would be like if all of the love she needs came only from me.  I imagine that some of you reading this blog would be additional mother figures to her if you lived closer.

Here she is on the train ride, singing the tune A sailor went to sea, sea, sea with the words:

I really want to see CC

I really need to see CC

If I could just go see CC

I'd be happy to be with CC, see?

Boo!

White Cat

Gypsy

Dog

Dear Bug

Dear Bug,

You are quite a three-year-old now.  I could tell, the other night, when Daddy met us at the restaurant, and you greeted him by saying, "Well, we've already started eating.  Would you like to join us?"  You've got lots of facial expressions that you use all day.  You are practically obsessive about sports gear, although, in the end, everything becomes a soccer ball.  Whether it's a basketball or baseball or whatever, you end up dribbling it with your feet.  You wear your soccer cleats all day every day.  You say the reason you won't wear a coat is because you only wear things that make you run fast.  Oh, and speaking of dribbling, this year, from 2-3, you have learned to ride a 2-wheeled scooter (up to 2 miles in a stretch), balance in the water on surf board, and swim under water on your own!  You are extremely coordinated, and extremely determined when it comes to mastering a physical skill.  You have quite a little 3-year-old spirit, and are very particular about how things should be.  You love to play the "vi-vo-lin" the "uncle-lady" and the banjo.  Some of your favorite songs this year are The Mighty Quinn and Turkey Vulture.  You are passionate about your favorite color: blue.  Whenever you draw, you make balloons or "the sea."  Some of your very favorite things in the world are grandparents, parents, Stella, and "Roli."  When I ask you who your friends are, you say, "Calvin and Ben."  When I ask you about Julianna and Sofi, you say, "Oh, yeah. . . Sofi is my favorite.  Julianna is my favorite, too, but. . . . she's for sharing."  You absolutely refuse to wear warm clothes, which tries your mama's patience every day!  You have lots of ideas about what you will do, now that you are three, like. . . no more nursing at all, using the potty, sleeping in your bed.  When you decide to do something, I know it's going to happen.  You are so determined.

We love you, Bug-a roo!!!

For your birthday this year, we went on a real train ride through the beautiful fall forest with Nana Tru, Carlos, Grandma and Grandpa.  Then we had dinner with them, as well as Roli and Tom.  Roli made you a very special lion cake, just as you requested.

Community farm

A wonderful visit to a dreamy farm on a breathtakingly beautiful day.  It does the soul good.

Freezer and heart, filled up.

Saving me

Days have been difficult with my little one.  He is really trying my patience, and I have had some parenting moments that I am not proud of.  Ever since we stopped night-time nursing, he has replaced it with a new ritual.  He wraps his little arms around me, pulls me close, and whispers this in my ear, over and over:

I love you.  I love ALL of you.  You are my mommy.  All mine.  I love you.  I love ALL of you.  You are my mommy.  All mine. I love you.  I love ALL of you.  You are my mommy.  All mine.

Sometimes, I can't help but think he is saving me from myself, because during the day, when I am reaching the end of my rope, his words still echo in my mind.

Michigan October

I love October in this part of the world.  Especially when we luck out with a nice long "Indian Summer."

9 years

Sometimes it's hard for me to admit this, but when I think of Moo's birth, I usually feel my insides tighten up.  It was hard.  It was long.  It was the most difficult thing I'd ever done, emotionally and physically.  It was not what we had planned.  Too many interventions.

But, when I think of the first time I saw her face and touched her, I feel a sigh of relief.  I have a vision of Mark handing her to me, his face stained with tears, and we were both in utter disbelief.  She was so shockingly her.  Tender and sweet and beautiful and intensely staring back at us.  I remember looking at the crisp October morning outside our hospital window, and thinking to myself, "This is a moment I will never forget.  My life has changed forever."

So tomorrow she begins the 10th year of her life (gasp!!!).  It's hard to believe.  But it's not hard to love every day of those years.  And it's not hard to envision the love that will surround her from this point on.  Happy Birthday to our dear girl.

Moo turns 9!

Even though it's not quite her birthday, we enjoyed Moo's birthday party last night.  She wanted to have a friendship/storytelling/campfire party.  A small crowd of kids came over for making friendship bracelets, cooking over the fire, telling stories, and a sleepover!  Once again, our neighbor made the most amazing cake for Moo.  It was a campfire scene with a 3D campfire on top, complete with candy rocks, pretzel logs, and candy bar logs in the fire.  She is incredible!  I slept in the tent in our back yard with the 7 who decided to stay (and consequently, it was my first night away from Bug).  It was just lovely.  Rarely do we get such warm days surrounding Moo's birthday.  It's been very warm in the day, and cool in the morning/evening.  The kids slept pretty well.  We left the rain cover off, so we could enjoy the stars.  Moo and a couple others reported seeing amazing stars in the middle of the night.  Moo counted 20 shooting stars!  Another girl said she saw at least 1000 stars!  In the morning, we filled their bellies with crepes and sausage, yogurt and fruit.  It was a wonderful way to celebrate the birth of our amazingly tender, kind, beautiful girl.

Tuesdays

Ah, the luxury of two extra hands and one more whole being of patience and energy for the needs of little ones.  These last few days have really overwhelmed me, leaving me feel like a bad, bad Mama.  Today, though. . . today was Tuesday, and that brought respite.